Only when I am around...

So I have been a parent for over 8 years now and think that I am pretty keen on seeing changes in my kids. I think I know their personalities pretty well. Lately, I have been a little concerned about my middle son. We have already had a parent-teacher conference about his attention and behavior and I can never get a straight answer on how things are going in school. His impulsive actions are out of control and he is constantly in trouble. I am planning another meeting with his teacher and I am trying to get him under control. I tried discussing this with my husband today and he basically said to me "he doesn't act like this when your not around." So basically this is all my fault. Plus, I got the "it's because you baby him". Well, of course I do he is my baby and the interactions between hubby and the kids is a little harsh. Basically what I am getting at is I am sick and tired of two types of parenting and being the blame for the way our kids act. I guess I am at the point where I need a cohesion in the way we deal with our kids and I need him to see that the kids also mimic the things that he does and I hate having to clean up that mess on top of every other mess in the house.